Congrats to LLSA (the Latino Law Student Association, pronounced yalsa or ya-sa or something close to it) for putting on yet another amazing Mr. Wolverine pageant. What's Mr. Wolverine? It's where we pretend (as usual) that the law school is the entire universe and we force our men folk to parade around, dance, and sing for our entertainment. There's a lot of hidden talent in any group of people. And, in our case, some of that talent is good, some of it isn't, but all of it was amusing.
Outlaws were involved in full force. People today were still talking about Paul's and Mike's dancing, and Bayrex was commended all around for his calm and easy delivery of catty one-liners. Paul's rendition of a certain professor was, according to everyone who knew her, dead-on ("Can somebody get that gurl a microphone? Is the microphone
on? Did you push the
button? Is the green light
on? Could somebody pass that gurl a microphone that
works?"); and Bob's performance as Dorothy in "The Wizard of Laws" was just darling.
I've asked the people on the web team to contribute their recollections of the night, and so I'm going stop typing soon. I do, however, want to share one of my favorite parts of the evening: The 3L skit--"The Wizard of Laws."
The gist is that Dorothy (played by our very own Bob) has found herself in the magical world of Michigan Law School. She first meets Sarah (Zearfoss, I would assume), the Good Witch of Admissions, who assures her that this admitted class is the most diverse one they've admitted since the last one. Then the Whiney 1L of the West enters, stage left, and reminds us, "Ave Maria has a higher bar passage rate."
Waa waaaaa.
Since Dorothy wants to find the "home in her heart" (whatever that means), Good Witch Sarah tells her to follow the Grey Slate Path (which is all we have around here) to the Wizard of Laws, who is "widely published." The first person she meets on the way is a scarecrow, holding two large white books in each hand.
"What was the holding in the Hairy Hand case?" he asks. "This one says one thing, and this one says another."
"Are you joking," replies Dorothy, "or can't you make up your mind?"
"That's the problem," he says sadly. "I can't make up mind because I don't have a brain. Only outlines..."
Enter Whiney 1L: "I heard it's not worth studying since everyone gets Bs anyway."
Waa waaaa.
Of course, Dorothy takes the scarecrow with her.
Next they meet a man, a man made of tin.
"Coffeeeeeepottttt," he mumbles. "Coooffeeeeepottttt..."
"Oh, he said 'coffee pot'!" deciphers Dorothy, and they caffeinate him heavily, which seems to bring him back to life. "However did you get like this?" she asks the Tin Man.
"Well, I was sitting in Con-Law and we got to the
Griswold case, and Professor Primus told me the right to privacy was in the Constitution, but I couldn't find it anywhere! I looked in Article 1, and in Article 2, and..."
"Of course the right to privacy is in there!" says Dorothy. "I came to law school to do good, so the right
must exist. Don't you have a heart?"
"No heart. The Federalist Society won't let me have one." He then breaks into song, which attracts the attention of the Whiney 1L.
"Lots of students start law school planning on doing public service, but most of us will work at firms after graduation."
Waa waaaaaa.
Whiney 1L walks off. The trio links arms, sings, and exits.
They next find themselves in "Rick's All American Cafe," which is actually a bar and, as Dorothy noted, the kind of place you can "get mono just from drinking out of the glasses." They meet a lion who doesn't have the courage to talk to girls, and--of course-invite him to see the Wizard too.
But then appears the Whiney 1L: "I hope you guys like Rick's, because I hear all of our law school bar nights are here." Waaa waaaaaa. He starts to walk off, but then adds, "Oh, and you should be careful. Most people who have HPV don't even know it."
Waaa waaaa.
Last scene: the four finally find the Wizard, who is actually the giant floating head of Harriet Miers.
"COME FORWARD. WHO ARE YOU?"
"If you please, I am Dorothy. We have come to ask..."
"SILENCE!!! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD MUST GO AND ATTEND A FUNDRAISER!"
"But we've traveled so far and battled the Whiney 1L of the West."
"DO NOT WORRY ABOUT HER. SHE JUST GOT HER TRANSFER LETTER FROM HARVARD."
"But I still need to find the way to the home in my heart," says Dorothy.
"I still need a brain," says the Scarecrow.
"I still need a heart," says the Tin Man.
"And yo, I gotsta get me some courage to ask out dem honeys." Did I mention it was a ghetto lion? It was.
"If you were really a Wizard, you would help us!" and with that Toto goes flying to the leg of the Wizard, unmasking him as none other than the Dean of the Law School, Evan Caminker (or at least Bayrex dressed up like him).
"PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEING BITTEN BY A DOG," says the voice, but it's too late--they know he's a sham.
"Why, you're no wizard!"
"Silence!" he squeaks, but instantly softens and gives them the advice they needed to hear. "You there, Scarecrow. You don't need a brain, because a good outline will
always do. Pass/fail Jurisdiction, though--don't be a hero.
"And you, Tin Man. You don't need a heart--just become a corporate lawyer.
And Lion, you don't need courage. Undergrads always fall for law students. Just sit on the other side of the Reading Room and they'll come to
you.
And you, dear Dorothy, you need not search for a home, because you'll have to move in with your parents after you graduate just to pay off your debt. So, click your heels together three times and repeat after me..."
"There's nothing like loans...there's nothing like loans...there's nothing like loans."
Music, curtains, lights, and call.
Same time, same place as last week [email for directions]. Show begins at 10pm; please try to arrive a few moments early in order to catch every precious moment!
I was playing around with layouts, trying to make something a little less bubble-gum than the previous version, and I accidentally hit the wrong button in Blogger. I can reconstruct the old layout, but it'll take an hour or two that I don't have today. In the meantime, learn to love our new lighter, less carnival-esque look.
Time: Saturday, February 11, 2006. 8:00PM-12:00AM.
Ladies and gents,